this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
