This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
