dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
