i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
