I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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