how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I got her a Nickelback box set.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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