How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
