are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
