I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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