Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
