i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
