I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
