the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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