Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You pole danced in your parka.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
