I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
