To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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