I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
