brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Randomize
