I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
