I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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