I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
she smelled like a LAN party
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
