We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
