Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
