Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
