i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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