those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
