She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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