Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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