My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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