She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Randomize
