Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I can't trust your balls anymore.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
