He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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