Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
