when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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