ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
