She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
