So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
