We named our party play list daddy issues
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
