I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
