when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
