hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
