also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
