Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I look better un-naked...
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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