Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
it's like iHOP with fire
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
