the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
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