dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
