you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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