i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
