Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I need moral support for this bender
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
