You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
