Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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