I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
