omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
