I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
My liver just had a heart attack.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize