the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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