i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
