I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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