i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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