So drunk its hurt
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize