babies were throwing up all over the place
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Who died my cat blue again?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
