Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
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