if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
