Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
