the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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