I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
