absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
