Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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