Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
