then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize