I met the friendliest cop last night
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
