guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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